No Neeeeed to trust ChatGPT, especially for your nostalgia

A familiar catchphrase, an unexpected blank stare

Our family has just spent a lovely bank holiday weekend with friends enjoying the National Coal Mining Museum, a tremendous 3-1 victory for Bradford City, a delicious curry at The Sweet Centre, some good church at St Peter’s Bury, and the splendid surroundings of the National Trust’s Shugborough Estate.

As we were driving to our first rendezvous in Wakefield, our friends, who live near Bolton, sent a message apologising that they would arrive after us. I reacted on our end with a loud “No neeeeed”, a catchphrase remembered from my childhood, delivered in an attempted Lancastrian accent. Christine, ever quick to capture a moment, got me to repeat the impression and sent it back as a voice note.

They replied with their own note, which we couldn’t decipher. So when we met up we asked them what was going on. To our surprise, they had misunderstood our message – they thought we were saying “Welbeeeees” as a greeting and had responded with a cry of their own family name.

I was puzzled. I was sure “No neeeeed” was a common cultural touchpoint but instead it was met with blank stares. Confidently, I told them it was a catchphrase from Mark and Lard, the iconic radio duo of the 90s.

However, when I tried to back up my claim with a quick Google, I hit a brick wall.

I quickly found scrawnandlard.co.uk, the Unofficial Mark Radcliffe & Lard site, which has been online since 1997. It boasts an extensive list of Mark and Lard catchphrases and sound clips. Yet, oddly, “No neeeeed” was nowhere to be found. Had I completely invented this? If I hadn’t, where did it come from if not Mark and Lard?

It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a person in possession of a question must be in want of a chatbot…

Baffled but undeterred, this was another moment for an assist from AI so I asked ChatGPT: “Where does the “no need” catchphrase originate?”

Surely, this advanced AI could resolve the mystery. What could possibly go wrong? Well, in the famous words of Roy Walker – “It’s good, but it’s not right.“

Here’s where things got entertaining. ChatGPT confidently informed me that “no need” was a catchphrase from The Fast Show, attributing it first to Jesse, the character famous for his eating habits. When I corrected it, ChatGPT pivoted to Ron Manager, then to Dave Angel, Swiss Toni, and a parade of other characters, each with plausible but incorrect explanations.

When I offered the extra detail that the catchphrase was delivered with a Lancastrian accent its first suggestion was the South West accented Bob Fleming, before moving on from The Fast Show to Brenda from The Royle Family (a character who is mentioned but never seen), Peter Kay’s No Nonsense John Smith’s adverts, Allied Carpets, and at the suggestion of Thomson Holidays I gave up.

It was like a greatest hits tour of 90s British pop culture, all without a single correct answer. Still, we were all impressed and amused by ChatGPT’s ability to confidently provide plausible yet entirely wrong information. It was surprisingly accurate in identifying shows and adverts from the era, even if it missed the mark on the specific catchphrase.

…Yet, one must also remember, that a chatbot, no matter how clever, is not always in possession of the truth.

In the end, it wasn’t Google or ChatGPT that solved the mystery. My friend remembered that another university friend had had an email address that included “no need.” They confirmed my initial hunch – it was indeed a catchphrase from Mark and Lard.

So, let me use this blog post to at least make sure there’s somewhere on the Internet making the link between Mark and Lard and the catchphrase “No neeeeed”. I’ve asked the person behind scrawnandlard.co.uk to add it to their list.

This experience is an amusing illustration of the pitfalls of AI. As helpful as AI assistance can be it’s only ever as good as what’s fed in. Yes, it’s harmless fun in this context; it could be anything but harmless in a different situation. We can’t be complacent, when it matters, we still need external human participation to actually verify the answers it provides. It’s a tool, not an oracle.

Ultimately the whole experience is actually quite endearing. Sometimes, even when technology has no reason to be wrong, it just might be. And that’s okay. After all, half the fun is in the unexpected detours. And to everyone who has started to rely on AI to jog their memory, let’s not forget the value of a good old-fashioned chat. The best answers come from the conversations, not the chatbot.

Now, I’m off to ask ChatGPT what it knows about Mr Chips…

If you enjoyed this then you might also like how I used ChatGPT to make the images on this site quicker and more accessible, how the public sector can be trustworthy in its use of data, and what the OECD has to say about the UK’s crisis in public trust.