Thoughts from the mind of Ben Welby

Tag: Bradford City

No Neeeeed to trust ChatGPT, especially for your nostalgia

A familiar catchphrase, an unexpected blank stare

Our family has just spent a lovely bank holiday weekend with friends enjoying the National Coal Mining Museum, a tremendous 3-1 victory for Bradford City, a delicious curry at The Sweet Centre, some good church at St Peter’s Bury, and the splendid surroundings of the National Trust’s Shugborough Estate.

As we were driving to our first rendezvous in Wakefield, our friends, who live near Bolton, sent a message apologising that they would arrive after us. I reacted on our end with a loud “No neeeeed”, a catchphrase remembered from my childhood, delivered in an attempted Lancastrian accent. Christine, ever quick to capture a moment, got me to repeat the impression and sent it back as a voice note.

They replied with their own note, which we couldn’t decipher. So when we met up we asked them what was going on. To our surprise, they had misunderstood our message – they thought we were saying “Welbeeeees” as a greeting and had responded with a cry of their own family name.

I was puzzled. I was sure “No neeeeed” was a common cultural touchpoint but instead it was met with blank stares. Confidently, I told them it was a catchphrase from Mark and Lard, the iconic radio duo of the 90s.

However, when I tried to back up my claim with a quick Google, I hit a brick wall.

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The Return of Numberplate Cricket: A Road Trip Revival

Growing up in Bradford but with grandparents in Kent and Somerset meant hours on the road, more often than not to a backdrop of Radio 4 (which was not so engaging as a child). Of course, this being the late 80s/early 90s there were no screens to occupy the journey. So my siblings and I had to make our own entertainment and I remember Numberplate Cricket as a great way to kill off the monotony of the motorway.

Fast forward to 2024, and the tables have turned. Now it’s my children enduring long drives from Croydon to Bradford to ‘enjoy’ our our season tickets at Valley Parade1 . Last weekend’s 9 hour round trip served up a pretty underwhelming 0-0 and 3 points denied by dubious officialing.

Probably over the line #bcafc

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— Sanj (@londonbantam.bsky.social) Aug 17, 2024 at 18:17

What is Numberplate Cricket?

For the uninitiated, Numberplate Cricket is a simple game (despite what Wikipedia suggests) that turns every passing car into a potential run or wicket. The rules are simple:

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Did Phil Parkinson and Bradford City break Jose Mourinho?

A colleague of mine is a Chelsea season ticket holder and he just mentioned that last night’s atmosphere at Stamford Bridge had sent a clear message of support for their Special One.

I jokingly suggested that their woes date from the afternoon of January 24th, the day Bradford City turned 2-0 into 2-4. And we wondered what the data said. So I went to Soccerbase and had a quick look.

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A perfect moment

I’m in the middle of a perfect moment that seems to have got a little bit out of hand.

It’s not the only perfect moment I’ve known in my life, and I hope it won’t be the last but when I take my seat at Wembley this afternoon I’ll know that it’s a notch on the timeline of history to savour.

It’s not the only perfect moment in Bradford City’s history. Jimmy Speirs’ winner in the 1911 FA Cup final might have been the first; in 1999 Stuart McCall got so lost in our promotion to the Premiership that he fell off a car; David Wetherall’s header against Liverpool; the saving of the club in the years that followed. Moments of joy.

But that joy is set against the pain of perfect moments turned to nightmare. May 11 1985 changed our club and our community for ever but it started with the delight at our league title. Those men, women and children will be remembered today.

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Lack of Ambition at Valley Parade

We’re Bradford City fans. Next season is going to be depressing.

You might have missed the news in amongst the fanfare of Cristiano’s obscene transfer to Real Madrid that Bradford City’s Matt Clarke had signed a contract extension. Laughably the Bradford City website says that the ‘giant’ defender will now form part of the squad aiming for promotion to League 1 next season.

There’s no aiming for League 1 next season.

And that’s underscored by the other bit of transfer news. Nicky Law has gone to Rotherham. We had Nicky on loan from Sheffield United last season and then again this. And he’s a fantastic prospect. There are Blades’ fans who thought he was worth a shot in the Premiership and certainly good enough for the Championship. As it was it took Stuart McCall to nurse him back to his best.

At the end of last season after we failed to mount a serious promotion challenge it looked certain he would be coming back. Unfortunately something has caused him to choose the Don Valley running track over Valley Parade.

Ambition? Who wants to end up disappointed anyway. Not to write us off too early but I’m sure that the 2010/11 season will be our year…

Vital Bradford article on the subject here